How to Get Where YouWant to Go in Life
This article will help you to become clear about what your desires actually are and how you can set goals and make plans to achieve them. Having the desire to do or be something is not enough. Once you have the process down, you are able to do anything with your life.
Dreams and Desires
When I was younger, I had dreams and desires just like anybody else, but I had no idea how to achieve them. I had enough self-confidence and determination necessary to push through anything, but I had no strategy.
I didn’t have someone to show me exactly what I needed to do to get what I wanted. It wasn’t really about self-confidence or having someone do things for me or hold my hand the whole way. I just know that if someone would have given me the tools I needed to get to where I wanted to go, I can only imagine how much struggle, frustration, disappointment and turmoil I would have been able to avoid.
Figure It Out
Instead of floundering around, trying this and that haphazardly, luckily, I was smart enough to recognize that I desperately needed information on how to do things the right way—the things that worked—if I was ever going to do any of the things I’d been talking about and dreaming about for so many years. I had to figure it out.
My specific life goals are almost certainly different from yours, but that doesn’t mean that the way to get there is different. We all have that navigation difficulty in common and no matter what we’re trying to achieve, no matter what our dreams are or how difficult they might seem at the moment, the theory of how to reach them is the same for all of us.
I talk a lot about self-confidence, so I think it’s important to mention that, looking back on this, I had mustered up enough self-confidence and courage to never give up that allowed me to keep going and to draw my own map.
I should also mention that I was fortunate enough to have a great husband and two beautiful boys who supported my efforts. There aren’t a lot of people in life who support you. But when the important ones do, it makes a big difference. This is for another article about who you let into your life.
In this article, I will share some of what I learned the hard way, that eventually allowed me to make things go the way I wanted. I’m not saying everything was perfect in my life; not even close. I was moving in the right direction with what was important to me.
We will start with identifying your particular desires—and we’ll identify what you really want from what you think you want right now. The two might not be the same. In fact, I’m willing to bet that you’ll be surprised after this exercise is over and you see your desires more clearly.
Once we have those desires worked out, I’ll show you a revolutionary way to set long-term and short-term goals so that you can actually achieve them—all the way down to the things you do each day.
I’ll show you how to track your progress so you can benefit from the motivation it offers, and be able to see where you need to change to keep yourself on track. Also, how to combat all of the problems that you will encounter along the way, such as the negativity that you’ll get from other people, and even from yourself.
Very important, I will show you how to create the right mindset so you can make your desires a reality, no matter what challenges you encounter.
So, let’s get started. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose – nothing except for those wasted days that you’ve been experiencing to this point. I want you to reach your potential and I know that with the right information and a little guidance, you can reach your goals while avoiding most of the deterrents, and make all of those desires, that may seem like wishful thinking, a reality.
Let’s get started!
1: Clearly Define Your Life Goals
You might be wondering, “What should I do with my life?” or “What should I do with my life?” You might even word this question, “What am I doing with my life.”
You know what’s strange? Most people have no idea what they want. And what they say they want is rarely what they actually really want. Isn’t that amazing?
Most people, if they are honest with themselves and clear of thought, would be quite surprised to find that they only wanted a fraction of what they thought. In some cases, they will find that they want the complete opposite of what they thought they wanted.
Let’s take girl talk for a second. You know how girls can moan about how they can’t find a nice guy? Well, for most girls, a nice guy is the last thing they want. Nice men will buy them things, make them breakfast in bed and give them massages anytime they ask, and although that sounds incredible, that gets boring very fast, and what most girls really want is a guy who is confident and challenging, even if he really isn’t that nice at all.
So, if girls can’t even be certain about what kind of mate they want, how can we figure out what our real desires are, much less achieve them? It starts by doing one very simple thing first — discover yourself.
To discover yourself is to allow for personal growth!
How to Conquer Your Fears and Discover Your Life Goals
Let’s look at some of your goals. Goals are simply the things you desire to make happen. It’s important to know that a goal is not just a desire all by itself. The perspective of “making it happen” needs to be there as well. In other words, you are going to make the things you see as desirable for your life happen through your hard work and intentions.
As an example of some desirable goals, let’s say that these are three of your goals:
- Lose 35 pounds
- Start a business
- Improve my credit score
Let’s look at each of these goals more closely. Remember, these are just examples. You are going to list your own goals after we look at these examples.
Lose 35 pounds
Now, ask yourself why you want to achieve that goal. Suppose your answer were, “So I can feel better about myself, fit into my clothes better, get married and have children.” (Your reason doesn’t have to be as elaborate, but you get the idea.)
So, once you give the reason why you want something, you can see that things start to change. The goal is not actually to lose 35 pounds. The real desire is to feel better about yourself, fit into your clothes better, get married and have children. And getting married and have children may outweigh the other two so much that it’s really about getting married and having children.
What’s interesting to notice is that there is a fear within this desire—the fear that if you don’t lose 35 pounds, you won’t be attractive enough to find a mate.
Therefore, the first thing you have to do it replace the desire you thought you had with the real desire.
Next, you have to overcome any fear you have that will keep you from achieving that desire. Unless you do this, you are always going to have a very big barrier in the way of reaching your goal.
In the second desire (start a business), you would ask yourself why you wanted to have your own business. If you want to be your own boss and have more freedom, that’s a valid reason to have such a desire. If you are doing it because you can’t stand your boss at your current job, then you actually need to decide whether you need to start your own business or just find a new job.
With the third desire example, let’s suppose that the reason behind wanting to improve your credit score is because you want to get approved for a mortgage loan to buy a house. You can see that the desire is actually to own a house, not necessarily improve your credit score.
Find your Core Goals
Now that you see, with these examples, how to get to know what your real desires are, let’s do it for real.
1. Make a list of three to five desires that you have been wanting.
2. Examine each one carefully, looking to see if there is a reason why you want it. Make sure it is a desire that you really want. Also, if you find that the existing desire had been replacing your real one because of a fear, write the real desire next to the false one.
Next, you are going to make a list of any fears that you think will keep you from reaching those core desires. Don’t worry about overcoming those fears right now. Just be aware of them.
Here are some additional ways to find your core desires if you are having trouble.
- Look at your friends, family and other heroes: Do you find yourself looking up to a certain person or people in your life? If so, make a list of some qualities that they have that you would like to have as your own qualities.
- Examine your jealousy: If you are jealous of a quality that someone else has, it means that you would like to have that quality (or that tangible item) but you have fears in the way that are keeping you from realistically considering it.
- Think of some of the things that you think you would never be able to do or be: These are things that if someone suggested that you do them you would say something like “I could never do that.” Obviously, this is intended for things like running a marathon rather than something that you definitely shouldn’t do – like robbing a bank.
- Reverse Project Problem Areas: Take a look at some things that bother you about other people and examine it closely to see if it is something that you are projecting on others because you wish it was true about yourself. We humans do this quite a lot. For example, if you are always upset with your friends because they are too messy, perhaps what you are really upset about is that you wish you were neater yourself. This isn’t always the case, of course, but it is worth taking a look at.
- Stop Your Forward Momentum: Someone who hasn’t clearly defined their desires shouldn’t be moving forwards. It is like getting in your car and starting to drive before you have chosen a destination. You could run out of gas and be all the way on the other side of town before you have chosen your actual destination. Don’t work towards your goals unless you are 100% sure you know what they are.
In the next article, let’s discuss how you can increase your confidence levels to get what you really want…