What has to happen in order for someone to feel good? 

What really has to happen for anyone to feel good about themself? The truth is… nothing. 

You could feel good right now for absolutely no reason whatsoever!

How could this be? Because the emotions we feel are our own—they come form within.

It’s your rules that say:

  • “If I were to run a marathon, I will feel good about myself.” 
  • “After I lose 20 pounds, then I will be happy.” 
  • “When I make a million dollars, I will then feel like I’m really worth something.”

The truth is… YOU RULE. 

It’s your rules that give you permission to feel any way you want to feel. 

If there is an imbalance of sadness or gloominess over feeling cheerful, change your old rules to new ones that are have a more positive outlook. An example would be, “I am going to enjoy [an event] no matter what.”

The trick is to change any negative perspective into a positive one. This can always be done. The more you look for the silver lining in the clouds, the more it becomes a natural tendency.

As a real-life example, a young woman, let’s call her Clarissa to jeep her identity private. Clarissa was feeling really upset about a breakup with her boyfriend of five years. A shift in attention from feeling deep sadness was moved over to a more positive fact, “At least I am healthy and have…”. 

No matter the circumstance, this can always be done. It sometimes takes willpower, but it is yours at any moment, if you decide to change your perspective.

You can take this to the next level.

Taking the YOU RULE basis and applying it to the way we look at ourselves is a game-changer.

How you regard yourself is really important. Remember, you rule! A positive outlook on who we say we are is vital.

Five Ways to Shift What You Think of Your Identity

Have you heard of the old saying that it is about the JOURNEY not the DESTINATION? Remember that even taking the first step on your journey to change is an accomplishment to feel good about.

Here are five ways to evaluate what you think of your identity. 


The “new you” has to ensure hold yourself to a higher standard of enjoying yourself despite the conditions of the moment. 


What has to happen for you to feel successful or happy or experience love? It starts with how you believe in yourself. Life is a variable event, so your rules must be organized in ways that allow you to adapt, grow and enjoy. 

Believe you can do anything, and you are on your way to shifting your identity towards greatness.


Personal values guide personal actions. By judging what to do and not do, we determine who we are. This goes beyond consideration and belief into what we do that determines who we are. Deciding to be better at something fuels belief. Belief steers action. 

What determines our emotions and behaviors is our beliefs about what is good and what is bad, what we should do and what we MUST do because to’s the right thing to do.


Is identity limited by experience? No. It is limited by the interpretation of your experience. 

Your identity is nothing but the decisions you’ve made about who you are, what you’ve decided to fuse yourself with. 

You become the labels you give yourself. The way you define yourself defines your life—who are you? 

We describe ourselves as our emotions, our professions, (I am an actress, I am lawyer, a student, I am depressed, I am happy). 

Don’t limit yourself with too many rules about how to feel good and to be happy. When we burden ourselves with too many MUST rules, we lose our enthusiasm for life.


These are beliefs which have much bigger consequences. The beliefs you have about people in general will affect not just the way you deal with a friend, but with everyone you meet. 

The global beliefs you have about concepts of scarcity and abundance, for example, will determine your stress level and your generosity of time, money, energy, and spirit. This stress will affect the way you think of your neighbors, your co-workers, and your financial capabilities, and opportunities. 

These are beliefs you have about your identity. 

What we can and cannot do, what we consider possible and impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our belief about who we are.

Your capability is constant, but how much of it you use depends upon the identity you have for yourself. 

As we develop new beliefs about who we are, our behavior will change to support the new identity. Shifting, changing, or expanding identity can produce the most profound improvements in the quality of your life.

There is no more potent leverage in shaping human behavior than identity. We all should work on our own every day.


Copyright Blanca McMurray 2022. All Rights Reserved

Leave a comment